The dynamics of friendships

In life it never ceases to amaze me how complex, vacuous, egotistic and irrational we can be as humans.

Initially I was going to blog on my great dislike for public transport, Instead I have taken it upon myself to blog on the dynamics of friendship. Yes I know there is no direct correlation between the two. But it was on my mind and so to put my mind at rest I’ve decide to blog about it.

Friendships are not as solid as we believe them to be, in life friends can come and go just like seasons, it’s just a part of life and something I’m learning to deal with. 

A good number of my (close) friends have passed the threshold of just being friends and have become (chosen) family. So when I lose/breakup with my (real) friends for one reason or another it’s like losing a family member.  

Of late my (girl) friends and I have been on the receiving end of abrupt excommunication; over something either stupid or trivial. The latter is behaviour I have only witnessed in females; I can’t quite picture males behaving in such a manner. If you are going to stop talking to someone, delete them off your blackberry list, Facebook, Twitter and your phonebook; for the sake of maturity, have the decency to let them  know (exactly) what it was they did or said to offend you and move on. That is if you consider them a friend. *Typing from experience*

I’m not sure if it’s the genetic disposition of females i.e. higher the levels of oestrogeon that makes us behave crazy/irrational/temperamental and consequently have more friendship DRAMA’s than our male counterparts. I think that I, (we) use the friend term too loosely; there is a distinct difference between friends and acquaintance/associates. Just because we become seemingly familiar with people, have conversations on Facebook now and again, like their status, borrow their pen, complement someone on their hair, does not  equate to friendship.

Till this very day a person who I considered a ‘friend’ is yet to tell me what I have done and why she felt it was necessary to stop talking to me. To give you a brief overview, the person in question has had countless squabbles with several other people and so my rationale is she is the (main) cause and not me, why? Simply because she is the common denominator amongst all the NUMEROUS altercations she has had. To put it mildly

Countless fallouts with various people = You are the problem

In no way am I offended that she decided to cut me out of her life; rather I am offended that she didn’t have the courtesy to make known what I had done wrong. My belief is, if you can’t make the (simple) effort to let me know then I equally can’t be bothered to chase and hunt you down. Life is too short for chasing.

The only reason why it peeves me to fall out (a rare occasion for me) with those I consider ‘friends’ is that I find myself in an awkward position where being civil with one another makes me uneasy. With my close circle of friends I have on occasions bumped into my ‘friend’ where I am unsure if it’s best to:

Pretend I cannot see her and look towards the ceiling as if there is something of interest

Say hi (when really inside I’d rather pull out a strand of her hair to show her how immature she is)

Or pretend that nothing has happened

I think it is always best to break up with people but yet still find the civility to say hi when you happen to bump into them; however it makes it a tad harder when you are oblivious to your wrong doings. But with age comes (some) wisdom so I just act as if everything is normal and ensure there’s no animosity between the two of us.

Maybe the problem we, (I) have is that those we call friends are merely good acquaintances and only appear as friends due to a false sense of intimacy.

Writing about this made me think that perhaps I should be the mature one and inquire into my short comings or how I failed in the expectations that she had set for me? We are not perfect (although we do generally tend to believe that we are always right) we all have our faults, so if I do offend you let me know. Contrarily my stubbornness (some call it pride) will permit no such thing! So I will remain in the dark and can only make my own assumptions. If I am scrupulously honest negating my stubbornness, it boils down to the reality that I just believe it’s not worth my time, energy or effort attempting to rekindle our dwindled friendship.

I am all for fixing friendships and mending fences, however not everything that is broken needs to be repaired and sometimes the best option is to let go or let sink. We tend to cling onto friendships simply out of habit and comfort despite knowing it has passed its expiration date.  

What  I can say is know who your (real) friends are, the contribution they pay in your life and decisions concerning whether to make amends/salvage/repair should be easier. By knowing who your (real) friends are you will realise who is worth fighting for. 

Ps Lionel if you happen to read this and think how hypocritical I am, sorry hormones can make females/me do strange things (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it)! I will never succumb to he said she said for as long as I live!  

Quality over quantity any day

xxxx