Respect is just a Minimum

So I’m on a crowded train on the way back to university on a Sunday after doing some food shopping.

This is not your ordinary food shopping (at Sainsbury's or Tesco’s supermarket) this is the type of shopping when mummy dearest is absent, you take as many items from the kitchen. If you can, you extend this to other areas in the house (bathroom, storage cupboard etc) you take everything possible. From yam, chicken, rice, sweet potato, nail polish remover and pray she just doesn’t notice. If she happens to notice hopefully you’re on the way back to university and divert your phone to voicemail to avoid her ranting! Not that I’ve personally tried.

Anyway back to the topic at hand; so whilst on the train my hands are glued to my blackberry (the device made to distract you from the world). So I’m indulged in one blackberry messenger conversation or another minding my own business, although my blackberry was unable to hold my interest for long. Consequently out of pure nosiness, I result in listening to banter between a mother and her daughter and out of nowhere the daughter has an abrupt OUTBURST and articulates to her mum and everyone else on the carriage  ‘Fuck off and leave me alone!’ I was actually silent for a minute or two in order to fathom what had just transpired. The girl looked no older than 16 (your typical teenager that thought she knew it all) and from the tone of her voice this wasn’t a joke. This young girl was as adamant as ever; as adamant as the Chinese man on the street corner attempting to sell you his £5 (bootleg) DVD.

Lucky for her, she does not have my mum that would have been the first and last time she uttered such words on God’s green given earth. Although in saying this not just with this specific scenario but regarding life in general; I am an avid believer that people really do treat you how you allow them to treat you. Cliché I know but it’s true we cannot force people to respect us, but we can ensure that we’re not disrespected- well at least try. So somewhere down the line, this behaviour was considered acceptable in her household otherwise she wouldn’t be on the train with such disrespect!

I would say my mum and I are exceptionally close nevertheless there’s an invisible boundary. An invisible boundary placed for a reason and one I stay well clear from. As much as my mum is my friend she is still my mother and I value my existence so it’s something that I would not contemplate doing. Unless I wanted to join the send back home club. This is a club whereby unruly children are normally lied to and told that they are going on holiday (whether it’s Nigeria or other various places in Africa) and never see England again.

I would on occasions have these discussions at university with my friends reminiscing about the discipline our parents used to enforce and the way in which black parents tend to discipline their kids (the type social services would consider abusive).To be frank I don’t care if your white, Chinese, yellow, orange or purple; respect should not be centred on your skin colour or race. It’s your mother who carried you for nine months and would have made some sacrifices for you, the least you could do is show some sort of respect.

It could be possible that I was mistaken and this type of relationship was considered ok, an agreement between the mother and daughter which they were happy with. Contrary to the above the look on the mothers face displayed otherwise, she looked exceedingly embarrassed and if there happened to be a hole on the train I’m sure she should would have dived right in and hoped it swallowed her instantly!

*Quick prayer*God please don’t give me rude unruly children, lack of manners and respect are my greatest pet peeves.  Please please please only allow the respectful eggs to be fertilised. AMEN

It’s no surprise with programmes like Supernanny where children are rewarded for things such as eating. Frankly my mum didn’t have time for rewarding me; especially if it was something I should innately do. Don’t get me wrong she would praise me, as children need to be praised as well as told off, it’s part of their growth process. However if I downright refused to eat she wouldn’t patronise me by saying ‘Good girl Nikky eat your food... that’s a good girl!’ She usually declared to me if I wasn’t hungry to go to bed and within a millisecond I would pick up my fork and eat (truth be told I was hungry); my naughtiness and attention seeking self would sometimes prohibit me from doing so.

Respect shouldn’t just be for our elders essentially it should lengthen to those that are younger than us. The elderly have a tendency to drum on about respect for elders and place so much emphasis on it ignoring and isolating respect for younger people.

Am I the only one that believes respect and manners does not cost anything, yet people fail to comprehend this simple concept. Prime example when you happen to walk into a shop and hold the door for someone behind you, thank you would suffice but the rude individual follows you behind without muttering a word. I was not aware that I had been employed to open shop doors for the general public.

After writing this I cannot stress enough that RESPECT is just a minimum whether it’s your aunt, your uncle, next door neighbour or the dustbin man; if only people would heed to this! But I end on this- respect also needs to be earned, however that’s another blog in itself.

And if you fail to be respected maybe you should demand it, how you go about that is at your discretion.