Happy New Year!

Firstly I would like to wish everyone a very HAPPY NEW YEAR. I hope that this year exceeds 2010 in every way possible. I haven’t blogged in so long; but seeing as it’s a new year, I will not lumber you with excuses. That is something I have decided to leave in 2010 – so no more excuses. The quote below sums up my feelings:

There’s an old Yiddish proverb that goes, “If you don’t want to do something, one excuse is as good as another.” In other words, if you’re NOT doing something, what does it matter why?

Also Merry Christmas (I know a bit late) nonetheless I hope everyone enjoyed it.

Over the Christmas period, I had the unprecedented opportunity to volunteer my services at Crisis’s homeless shelter for the first time ever. I would definitely recommend and encourage people to do this. I met some wonderful people and it put into perspective how blessed I am and was definitely a great experience.

Ok, back to today’s blog; seeing as the return of January is upon us once again, I thought it only right today’s topic should focus on New Year. Naturally this time of year brings with it great optimism, joy, a new beginning and hope. What’s fascinating with the New Year is that you’re likely to encounter a tribe of optimists proclaiming and declaring that this year is their year. By no means am I knocking positivity and optimism, in fact I have decided to join. Neither am I one  to rain on a parade however, it’s only going to be a better year if you are able to exceed the previous year or just simply do more. If you believe this year is your year, then good, make it happen!

Out of sheer boredom and some (deep) thinking, I decided to ask myself ‘exactly how this was going to be my yea or be any different from 2010?’ If I’m honest it wasn’t really deep thinking it just has a nicer ring to it –unless contemplating on how to build my shoe collection counts.

A quote that sprang to mind from Albert Einstein:

‘Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results ‘

So as heart warming as it is to proclaim 2011 as our year, what we should be thinking about is exactly ‘how we’re going to go about making 2011 our year?’

My mantra for this year is less talk (talk is cheap) and more action, as my bestfriend and I were discussing we have the tendency to say things / talk about what we plan to do with good intentions,’ most of us are good “starters” but poor “finishers” of everything we begin’ -Napoleon Hill

There’s a GREAT tendency for people to ‘HYPE’ about their success, what they tend to do before it has even manifested. If you don’t believe me, take a good look on Facebook or YouTube there’s an abundance of people bragging about their hustle/grind.

So instead of being a virtual ‘talker’, be a person of integrity; do what you say and mean what you do. On that note:

Here are my 14 tips for the New Year

1.       Stop the excuses

2.       Choose not to be defeated

3.       Don’t worry about the (so called) haters

4.       Laugh more , love more , eat more (the last bit was for myself)

5.       Believe and live your dreams

6.       Run for the hills-

To give something or someone a fraction of your devotion or time is doing it/ them and you a disservice.  If you can’t give your all, then run for the hills and come back when you can invest all you have to give.

7.       Do what you love and do it often

8.       Compete with yourself and  stay in your own lane

9.       Ask more questions assume less

10.   Dress up whenever you can-

Remember its best to be overdressed then underdressed

11.   Be persistent

 Failure cannot cope with persistence; Estee Lauder put it this way ‘when I thought I couldn’t go on, I forced myself to keep going my success is based on persistence, not luck'.

12.   Always wear deodorant  

13.   Let them say!

If you’re of African descent then you may be familiar with this quote it simply means learn to be comfortable in your own skin and do you. People will always have something to say and criticise you -its life and you can’t please everyone. Please those who matter!

14.   Always remember your head scarf before bedtime

15.   Enjoy each day as it comes (even with the increase in VAT and travel fares)

So whatever dreams, plans or goals you have for this year I wish you all the best and hope that we would all be good starters as well as good finishers of all that we embark on.

Remember feel free to comment, follow and share. Thanks

Xxx

Niks

The Fundamentals Of Borrowing

This is actually my shortest blog thus far; I didn’t feel the need to elaborate on each point. Today’s blog is on borrowing but more importantly the FUNDAMENTALS of borrowing.

I'm sure many of you, if not all, have had the misfortune of being on the receiving end of borrowing someone an item (money, clothes, car etc) which has only resulted in altercations. Or perhaps you yourself have been the perpetrator and have failed to abide by the (common sense) rules concerning borrowing.


I have included the definitions to ensure that there is no confusion, although self explanatory, if life has taught me anything, it’s that you should never assume.

Borowee: The individual who has accepted/received/borrowed an item.
Borrower: The individual who has lent out an item.

So here's my list outlining the fundamental rules of borrowing:

1.      Never lend anything that is not yours. You only have yourself to blame if the item is damaged, lost or stolen. It was never yours to lend out in the first instance.

2.      As the borrowee- be a man or woman of integrity. Never allow the borrower to chase you; you were able to find the borrower so you are more than able to return the item. An exemption is if you suffer with severe amnesia, otherwise there’s no excuse and to be frank it’s quite cheeky.

3.      If it was given to you as new why return it damaged? Always return what you have borrowed in the same condition it was given. If it so happens that you have borrowed a book, do not return it with the front cover torn, pages missing and the remnants of your dinner for the last 7 days.  

4.       Expanding on the latter if you destroy or lose the borrowed item, have the decency to replace it.

5.     Always inform the borrower of any delays or unexpected mishaps that will impede you returning the item(s) in the agreed time frame. If you have agreed a week and you are unable to oblige then have the courtesy to keep the borrower informed.

6.       Never borrow item(s) knowing full well you have no intention of returning it back. This is called theft.

One thing my grandma (very stuck in her ways God bless her) has always taught me is that, never borrow items (specifically money) that you are not willingly to lose. This way if the borrowee destroys, misplaces or simply cannot return the item(s) which they have borrowed your relationship is not jeopardised.  


Ps
If for some strange reason I owe you an item/money (very unlikely) please email/facebook/text me personally; as opposed to using this as a platform to attack or embarrass me on my very own blog.

Much love

Xxx

Should public transport really be that PUBLIC?

Firstly thanks to those who have commented on my blog, very much appreciated. Secondly please excuse my inconsistency and I am aware that I did not blog at all last week *hangs head in blog shame*. But I’m back on track got caught up doing other things.

When I say I got caught up it’s another way of saying I fell short in my organisation.

Ok back to today’s blog I’m sure many of you have been on the receiving end of the shambolic transport system they call TFL whether it’s:

•  The delayed train
• Upgrade and engineering works
•  Staff strike  
• Signal failure 
• A  person underneath a train etc  

TFL should really stand for” trying to frustrate Londoners” as opposed to Transport For London. Bear in mind that each year these issues tend to exacerbate and yet still,  it's deemed acceptable for fees to increase. If you’re not familiar with the above then count yourself lucky! It’s not the shoddy system but the weird/random/perverse people you tend to find on public transports that raises my blood pressure more than anything.

A few months back my dearest friend found the back of her legs being stroked by a random guy seated behind her. Fortunately for him my friend happens to be of a gentle spirit although she was not amused she gave him a piece of her mind, hence my rant about public transport.

I truly believe there should be some sort of ban for those who thrive at the chance of impeding our journey. So below is my constructed list of the general types of people you tend to get on public transport (from my personal observation and experiences) along with the grotesque idiot that stroked my friend’s legs.  

I’m allergic to soap

These are individuals who find it excusable not to bathe/shower (early) in the morning and willingly choose to share their wretched odour with other fellow passengers. From the knowledge and wisdom I have accumulated during my life time, soap has never caused anyone harm. I can’t quite comprehend why one would avoid it.  Its 8am, why would you smell so early in the day, at least wait a few hours?  

The personal Dj

Then you have the (rowdy) teenagers that find it appropriate to share their playlist on their mobile with everyone on the bus. I’m sure all mobile phones come with headsets? If I required a personal Dj on my travels I’m sure I would have requested one. Then again with the increase in transport fees perhaps it should be part of the service.

The Human megaphones

There is nothing wrong with people having conversations on public transport nevertheless there is no excuse for treating your mobile phone as a megaphone. Why people speak at the top of their lungs whilst having a conversation is beyond me. I do understand that T-mobile is not the greatest of networks and so the person on the other end is most likely incapable of hearing you; but wait till you get home, the entire train/bus does not need to hear your conversation. 

The Rule breakers

These are the individuals, clearly ignorant of the unspoken rule governing the seating process in public places.

Rule = you are only allowed to sit next to someone (who you have no acquaintance with) once all the other seats are occupied and you have no other choice!

The incredible hulk

The hulk that fails to recognise tubes come every five minutes (well the Victoria line at least, on a good day) but still decides to use their upmost might and power to obstruct the doors and make it onto the tube. You tend to find that these people are usually late for work, so not only are they late but now there’s a possibility that you too may be late. If you are five minutes late for work, you’re already late, just wait for the next tube and let everyone else on board get to work on time please.

Germs are us

The germ spreaders, those who cough, sneeze and (foolishly) forget to cover their mouths. Unless there happens to be a miracle or healing in your sneeze please keep your infested germs to yourself, I just about cope with mine.

They say knowledge is power so I thought I would share the following: a sneeze travels out of a person’s mouth at over 160 kilometres per hour?!  Each sneeze can throw over 100,000 bacteria into the air! I rest my case.

My bags and I against the world

Know these people are at the top of my list after the germ spreaders of course; the individuals who place their bags or shopping on the seat next to them and look inconvenienced and annoyed when you (politely) request to sit down. However it’s not an inconvenience for me to stand-up knowing I have paid for my part of the journey. If your bags have their own oyster or travel card then by all means keep them on the seat.

Tips to improve and aid in having a peaceful journey

1. If possible carry headphones with you, these wonders will help you block out the unnecessary chit chat, other peoples random music and will keep you in a better frame of mind. If you don’t have headphones perhaps bring some reading material just in case your journey that usually takes five minutes takes up to an hour. We all know that TFL like to have sporadic engineering works/ upgrades to the tubes.
2. At all times have a scented spray or perfume this is just in case you are the unfortunate soul to seat next to the passenger who refused to bathe. What you can do is conveniently spray yourself whilst secretly trying to mask their unwanted stench.
3. Always have tissue on you, for those who sneeze/cough without covering their mouth, perhaps all they need is for someone to offer them one.
4. Carry antibacterial handspray, it always comes in handy.
5.  If the above does not aid in improving your journey  and you still happen to feel perturbed and enraged, then I urge you to watch the video below to remind yourself it could be a lot worse!

If all else fails, get you car out and say to hell with congestion charges, otherwise contact TFL. These were only suggestions, please refrain from contacting me. If you have any other ideas to improve ones public journey by all means share.

p.s feel free to comment and follow.

xxx
Niks

The dynamics of friendships

In life it never ceases to amaze me how complex, vacuous, egotistic and irrational we can be as humans.

Initially I was going to blog on my great dislike for public transport, Instead I have taken it upon myself to blog on the dynamics of friendship. Yes I know there is no direct correlation between the two. But it was on my mind and so to put my mind at rest I’ve decide to blog about it.

Friendships are not as solid as we believe them to be, in life friends can come and go just like seasons, it’s just a part of life and something I’m learning to deal with. 

A good number of my (close) friends have passed the threshold of just being friends and have become (chosen) family. So when I lose/breakup with my (real) friends for one reason or another it’s like losing a family member.  

Of late my (girl) friends and I have been on the receiving end of abrupt excommunication; over something either stupid or trivial. The latter is behaviour I have only witnessed in females; I can’t quite picture males behaving in such a manner. If you are going to stop talking to someone, delete them off your blackberry list, Facebook, Twitter and your phonebook; for the sake of maturity, have the decency to let them  know (exactly) what it was they did or said to offend you and move on. That is if you consider them a friend. *Typing from experience*

I’m not sure if it’s the genetic disposition of females i.e. higher the levels of oestrogeon that makes us behave crazy/irrational/temperamental and consequently have more friendship DRAMA’s than our male counterparts. I think that I, (we) use the friend term too loosely; there is a distinct difference between friends and acquaintance/associates. Just because we become seemingly familiar with people, have conversations on Facebook now and again, like their status, borrow their pen, complement someone on their hair, does not  equate to friendship.

Till this very day a person who I considered a ‘friend’ is yet to tell me what I have done and why she felt it was necessary to stop talking to me. To give you a brief overview, the person in question has had countless squabbles with several other people and so my rationale is she is the (main) cause and not me, why? Simply because she is the common denominator amongst all the NUMEROUS altercations she has had. To put it mildly

Countless fallouts with various people = You are the problem

In no way am I offended that she decided to cut me out of her life; rather I am offended that she didn’t have the courtesy to make known what I had done wrong. My belief is, if you can’t make the (simple) effort to let me know then I equally can’t be bothered to chase and hunt you down. Life is too short for chasing.

The only reason why it peeves me to fall out (a rare occasion for me) with those I consider ‘friends’ is that I find myself in an awkward position where being civil with one another makes me uneasy. With my close circle of friends I have on occasions bumped into my ‘friend’ where I am unsure if it’s best to:

Pretend I cannot see her and look towards the ceiling as if there is something of interest

Say hi (when really inside I’d rather pull out a strand of her hair to show her how immature she is)

Or pretend that nothing has happened

I think it is always best to break up with people but yet still find the civility to say hi when you happen to bump into them; however it makes it a tad harder when you are oblivious to your wrong doings. But with age comes (some) wisdom so I just act as if everything is normal and ensure there’s no animosity between the two of us.

Maybe the problem we, (I) have is that those we call friends are merely good acquaintances and only appear as friends due to a false sense of intimacy.

Writing about this made me think that perhaps I should be the mature one and inquire into my short comings or how I failed in the expectations that she had set for me? We are not perfect (although we do generally tend to believe that we are always right) we all have our faults, so if I do offend you let me know. Contrarily my stubbornness (some call it pride) will permit no such thing! So I will remain in the dark and can only make my own assumptions. If I am scrupulously honest negating my stubbornness, it boils down to the reality that I just believe it’s not worth my time, energy or effort attempting to rekindle our dwindled friendship.

I am all for fixing friendships and mending fences, however not everything that is broken needs to be repaired and sometimes the best option is to let go or let sink. We tend to cling onto friendships simply out of habit and comfort despite knowing it has passed its expiration date.  

What  I can say is know who your (real) friends are, the contribution they pay in your life and decisions concerning whether to make amends/salvage/repair should be easier. By knowing who your (real) friends are you will realise who is worth fighting for. 

Ps Lionel if you happen to read this and think how hypocritical I am, sorry hormones can make females/me do strange things (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it)! I will never succumb to he said she said for as long as I live!  

Quality over quantity any day

xxxx

Will the REAL ballers please stand up!

In case the title of my blog has thrown you off guard (I apologise I decided to tap into my urban side) please ignore me, I don’t actually have an urban side! Defining a baller was somewhat more testing than I had anticipated; it’s one of those words in my mind I can clearly define -but to articulate becomes awkward. In order to get a definition that may illustrate my point (for those of you who are foreign to the term baller) I have consulted the trustworthy (I use that term loosely) urban dictionary.

A baller: One who is in a state of being extremely rich and likes to show off how rich he is. (Urban dictionary, 2009).

What ignited me to write this blog was my inability to grasp, whether its peoples sole purpose on earth to flaunt their alleged success. So this blog is not intended for real ballers rather at the counterfeits!

I tend to find that these individuals are people who ensure that at any given opportunity, everyone and their dog can see their Gucci belt, Louis Vuitton ruck sack, Gucci scarf, Rolex watch, Prada shoes, Parker pen and their Fendi toilet roll. Ok, I admit slight exaggeration with my last statement; does designer toilet roll even exist?

Common characteristics of a supposed baller (let me not single out) baller/ballerettes:

·        Popping expensive bottles of champagne in the club

·        Owning an expensive car (which is usually on finance or rented)

·        Wearing expensive jewellery

·        Wearing the most expensive hair (if you’re reading this and you happen to wear weave. I recommend you either get Remy or Brazilian hair it’s a good investment, you won’t regret it)

·        Having the latest designer handbag

All the above are acceptable as long as you:

·        Don’t have three credit cards that have need to be paid off

·        Are able to still do your weekly food shop (unless you have some sort of eating disorder)

·        Can still pay all your bills

·        Actually have money in your account which isn’t through fraudulent activity.

If you were wondering, yes I just made up the word ballerettes for the purpose of this blog, let me not discriminate females are also at fault!

I am sure that most people are familiar with the phrase ‘If you have it, flaunt it.’ The definitive words being IF YOU HAVE IT! Where my agitation lies, is with the individuals who project a bogus lifestyle. To us they appear as someone to envy but at home they scrounge for pennies. I encourage optimism, however I also believe in practicality so if you get paid £4.35 an hour maybe it’s not wise that you spend your wages on a luxury yacht. Illogical but there are ludicrous people who would if inevitably they could grow a fan club. 


I'm not knocking people buying luxuries or wanting the good life. What I am rebuking are those people who buy into a lifestyle (for image purposes) which is simply beyond their means and one they simply cannot afford and maintain.

Don’t get me wrong this is not the case for everyone; there are plenty of people with their head screwed on. It just so happens, I have unfortunately come across a few. Disregard the above it’s not unfortunate, I wouldn’t have written this blog otherwise. 


For one reason or another I find that this type of behaviour is predominantly amongst young people and in particular males who fall in the age brackets of 18-27. Whether I am being biased, I will leave you to decide. Although in making such claims, I am conscious of the female population, who are equally guilty of such transgressions. There is nothing wrong with weave if done correctly whether it’s Remy hair or Brazilian hair you choose. However there is a problem, when you sew weave to your head at the expense of having your monthly bus pass that gets you to work. I can only hope the bus drivers appreciate the time, effort and sacrifice that has gone into your hair and lets you on for free. I was never one to play the name and shame game thus the guilty young lady will not be named on this occasion.

Interestingly individuals with real money, more so wealth (two different things but I will not go into the technicalities) and assets if you will; those who are economically considered millionaires and billionaires are more discrete with their attainments. From afar some billionaires hardly look like they own anything, with all due respect Richard Brandson, Bill Gates and numerous other billionaires wear plain clothes. If it is a high end designer you would need a magnifying glass in order to make out the logo (unlike the counterfeit ballers who make known what brand they are promoting (wearing). 


Society would be a better place if people were much more frugal and truthful to themselves. We all have free will and if it satisfies you and makes you feel like you are the new P. Diddy (whatever he tends to call himself these days) Jay-Z, or any other glorified celebrity; then not much can be said. Whether the possession of luxury goods (which you cannot afford) makes you feel like a worthy human being is a question only you can answer. If discretion is not your strong point and impressing others and seeking attention is something you hold dearly to your heart, then please at least do it with a modicum of honesty.

Although after writing and discussing this with my close friend, it’s apparent that priorities differ from person to person, therefore it is a lifestyle choice. To some people looking good is ranked higher than intelligence or learning, others may rank feeding their shoe and bag addiction over moving out from under their parents.

Is there an age limit on this type of behaviour; is this predominantly something males do more so than their female counterparts?

Respect is just a Minimum

So I’m on a crowded train on the way back to university on a Sunday after doing some food shopping.

This is not your ordinary food shopping (at Sainsbury's or Tesco’s supermarket) this is the type of shopping when mummy dearest is absent, you take as many items from the kitchen. If you can, you extend this to other areas in the house (bathroom, storage cupboard etc) you take everything possible. From yam, chicken, rice, sweet potato, nail polish remover and pray she just doesn’t notice. If she happens to notice hopefully you’re on the way back to university and divert your phone to voicemail to avoid her ranting! Not that I’ve personally tried.

Anyway back to the topic at hand; so whilst on the train my hands are glued to my blackberry (the device made to distract you from the world). So I’m indulged in one blackberry messenger conversation or another minding my own business, although my blackberry was unable to hold my interest for long. Consequently out of pure nosiness, I result in listening to banter between a mother and her daughter and out of nowhere the daughter has an abrupt OUTBURST and articulates to her mum and everyone else on the carriage  ‘Fuck off and leave me alone!’ I was actually silent for a minute or two in order to fathom what had just transpired. The girl looked no older than 16 (your typical teenager that thought she knew it all) and from the tone of her voice this wasn’t a joke. This young girl was as adamant as ever; as adamant as the Chinese man on the street corner attempting to sell you his £5 (bootleg) DVD.

Lucky for her, she does not have my mum that would have been the first and last time she uttered such words on God’s green given earth. Although in saying this not just with this specific scenario but regarding life in general; I am an avid believer that people really do treat you how you allow them to treat you. Cliché I know but it’s true we cannot force people to respect us, but we can ensure that we’re not disrespected- well at least try. So somewhere down the line, this behaviour was considered acceptable in her household otherwise she wouldn’t be on the train with such disrespect!

I would say my mum and I are exceptionally close nevertheless there’s an invisible boundary. An invisible boundary placed for a reason and one I stay well clear from. As much as my mum is my friend she is still my mother and I value my existence so it’s something that I would not contemplate doing. Unless I wanted to join the send back home club. This is a club whereby unruly children are normally lied to and told that they are going on holiday (whether it’s Nigeria or other various places in Africa) and never see England again.

I would on occasions have these discussions at university with my friends reminiscing about the discipline our parents used to enforce and the way in which black parents tend to discipline their kids (the type social services would consider abusive).To be frank I don’t care if your white, Chinese, yellow, orange or purple; respect should not be centred on your skin colour or race. It’s your mother who carried you for nine months and would have made some sacrifices for you, the least you could do is show some sort of respect.

It could be possible that I was mistaken and this type of relationship was considered ok, an agreement between the mother and daughter which they were happy with. Contrary to the above the look on the mothers face displayed otherwise, she looked exceedingly embarrassed and if there happened to be a hole on the train I’m sure she should would have dived right in and hoped it swallowed her instantly!

*Quick prayer*God please don’t give me rude unruly children, lack of manners and respect are my greatest pet peeves.  Please please please only allow the respectful eggs to be fertilised. AMEN

It’s no surprise with programmes like Supernanny where children are rewarded for things such as eating. Frankly my mum didn’t have time for rewarding me; especially if it was something I should innately do. Don’t get me wrong she would praise me, as children need to be praised as well as told off, it’s part of their growth process. However if I downright refused to eat she wouldn’t patronise me by saying ‘Good girl Nikky eat your food... that’s a good girl!’ She usually declared to me if I wasn’t hungry to go to bed and within a millisecond I would pick up my fork and eat (truth be told I was hungry); my naughtiness and attention seeking self would sometimes prohibit me from doing so.

Respect shouldn’t just be for our elders essentially it should lengthen to those that are younger than us. The elderly have a tendency to drum on about respect for elders and place so much emphasis on it ignoring and isolating respect for younger people.

Am I the only one that believes respect and manners does not cost anything, yet people fail to comprehend this simple concept. Prime example when you happen to walk into a shop and hold the door for someone behind you, thank you would suffice but the rude individual follows you behind without muttering a word. I was not aware that I had been employed to open shop doors for the general public.

After writing this I cannot stress enough that RESPECT is just a minimum whether it’s your aunt, your uncle, next door neighbour or the dustbin man; if only people would heed to this! But I end on this- respect also needs to be earned, however that’s another blog in itself.

And if you fail to be respected maybe you should demand it, how you go about that is at your discretion.